She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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