Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
