i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
