Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
