Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
