escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Fuck appropriateness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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