You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
