he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
