Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
