does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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