dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
