it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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