It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
