I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize