that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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