remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
