the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
