I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
