Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
