i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
