Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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