Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
