Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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