I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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