if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
