I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
