last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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