There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
