Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
