How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
