If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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