haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
