I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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