my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
