GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
