Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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