I didn't shave. On purpose
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
