If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
