I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
