No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
nutella sex= disaster
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
