a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
