I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
