planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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