is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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