When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
