If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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