I think I am morally bankrupt
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
