Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
