Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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