You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
