I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
