she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I did not marry a roomba.
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