Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
where does the pee come out of this thing
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
