eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
