Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What a dumb baby whore.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
