mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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