piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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