So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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