for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
