No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
