So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
