All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i think my cat just said my name.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
