all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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