i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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