I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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