Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
