I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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