some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think my moral compass just broke
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
