I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
