Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
