Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
