So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
