I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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