Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
