you turned your livingroom into a bong?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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