You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
