I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.