idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
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No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP