I'm going to rape someone's good day.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
