there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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