Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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