Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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