look no pants
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize