After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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