Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
