You surviving the open bar?
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I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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